I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jerry, you need to find god
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
