girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
