Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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