There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
