were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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