I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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