i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
