it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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