I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
