To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize