and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The best revenge is premature balding
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
