how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
