Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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