I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize