so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
