Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
