soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
