She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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