Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
