I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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