they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
