so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
