my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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