If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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