I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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