Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
