zippers are such a cool invention
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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