is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
