oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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