Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
