yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
