I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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