My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
