Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
