Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
