I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
