i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
