The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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