Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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