the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
