So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
