YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
