Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Did I show you my penis last night?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
