i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
