just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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