I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had sex on a roof
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
