WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
