When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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