I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
