I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
