The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
