Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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