The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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