There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
