Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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