the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dicks are not precious.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
