He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize