OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
