My sheets look like a crime scene.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
