FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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