she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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