i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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