I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
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